Reflecting on the challenges of three years of integrating into the UK

By Marcus Coetzee, 9 October 2024.

This article describes the various challenges I overcame during my first, second and third years of living in Scotland after emigrating from South Africa in 2021.

After three years of making a concerted effort to integrate into Scottish culture and contribute to the country, I’m starting to feel increasingly at home.

I acknowledge that my relative ease of integration has been influenced by my demographics and relatively British upbringing in Cape Town.

I wrote this article after receiving positive feedback on a previous article in 2023 which highlighted the three challenges of moving countries in middle age. Several people reached out to me to express their thanks and get advice. I have also supported my brother and some friends to emmigrate elsewhere so this topic has been on my mind.

This article will help people who have recently moved countries to gain perspective on how long it takes to integrate and the likely challenges they will encounter. People tend to feel reassured when they realise they’re on a journey and how others have also struggled.

Below are the various challenges that I encountered, sorted into the years where they were most evident.

Year 1 – An exciting adventure with a steep learning curve while frantically trying to establish some stability

Here are the things that stand out as I reflect on my first year in the UK.

Finding work to get some money coming in before savings run out. This was difficult because companies are reluctant to hire newcomers due to the perceived risk. Then when I found work, I had to adapt to an unfamiliar workplace culture.
Learning about my field of work. I had to learn new concepts and terminology, and about the key organisations and dynamics in my sector. I also had to adjust to the local definition and manifestation of poverty since I work in the third-sector.
Finding a place to live. I frantically researched the pros and cons of the different areas in Scotland. I was fortunate in that I’d inadvertently ended up in Paisley and managed to convert my AirBnB into a long-term rental amidst housing shortages.
Desperately trying to make sense of all aspects of the UK. This included politics, economics, culture, public transport etc. I had to learn simple things like how to use auto-checkout at a supermarket and book a doctor’s appointment.
Opening a bank account and registering with the HMRC. It took me six months before I was able to open a local bank account and longer to register for tax. Fortunately, I was able to operate out of my bank account in the Isle of Man which I’d arranged from South Africa since I’d anticipated this challenge.
Buying my first car and getting car insurance. Public transport is fragmented in Paisley and Glasgow so a car makes life easier. I struggled with all the roundabouts at first but found the roads much safer overall than in South Africa.
Identifying good brands and suppliers. For example, I had to find a gym, vet, mechanic, osteopath, car dealer, insurance company, hardware store, print shop and outdoor store.
Discovering new places. This was the most exciting part of our first year. Everywhere I went was an adventure. Every weekend felt like a holiday as my wife and I took day drives around Scotland and discovered magical places.
Living frugally and saving money. My situation was unstable and we’d eroded all our savings moving here and had no support networks. We had to live within our means and rebuild our emergency funds. We lived simply.
Constantly using South Africa as a reference point and interpreting everything in contrast to it. For example, I did exchange rate conversions every time I spent money and interpreted all social problems in reference to South Africa.
Dealing with the grief of suddenly leaving so much behind in South Africa. This caught me by surprise. I felt very angry, bitter and sad towards the country, given what it might have been. It has lost the post-Apartheid momentum and vision of leaders like President Mandela and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I also regretted not coming here sooner.
Desperately trying to connect with people and not feel alone. I visited cosy coffee shops each day and attended music events to feel sane. I also got to know people at my gym where I spend over six hours each week.
Feeling like an intruder and imposter. I felt people were judging me because of my accent and wondering what I was doing in their country. I felt like an imposter who had to constantly justify my presence. I felt anxious and a bit superstitious that I would be thrown out of the country for some inexplicable reason.
Resolving lots of emigration-related administration. This has taken years to resolve – things like tax, banking, shipping our possessions, medical insurance etc. It felt that I had one foot in each country with double the administrative burden.
Buying clothing for cold weather. I was unfamiliar with the different brands, shops and clothing requirements so there was lots to learn. People often told me that there is “no such thing as bad weather [in Scotland], only the wrong clothing.”

Year 2 – Feeling on top of how things work

Getting to know some colleagues and other management consultants. I was able to enjoy several coffee chats and relaxed lunches with them. I realised the value in travelling for up to two hours to drink coffee with someone significant or build a relationship.
Learning more about Scotland. I started learning more about the history of places and the quirks of local culture. For example, I learned about the origins of certain towns and villages and the history of the shipbuilding industry in Glasgow.
Gaining confidence in my field of work. I’d steadily become more comfortable with everything going on in the third sector. I started to gain insight into the subtle aspects of my field and profession in the UK. I began to recognise my value and impact as a management consultant with international experience.
Exploring my interests in more detail. Now that my survival basics were secured, I was able to dedicate more time to hobbies like birdwatching, natural history, attending musical performances, strength training etc.
Dealing with grief. These emotions continued to surprise me and I had to invest considerable time trying to make sense of them. I read helpful books, listened to insightful podcasts and wrote in my journal. I’ve since concluded that the majority of people who emigrate as refugees or economic migrants are traumatised.
Becoming more familiar with the different areas. I learned how to travel to regular destinations without my GPS and was able to go for walks in local forests and hills without getting lost.
Grappling with my international identity. I grappled with identities like ‘South African’, ‘African’, ‘World Citizen’, ‘immigrant’ and ‘UK resident’. I settled on thinking of myself as a ‘Paisley Buddy’ – an expression to describe residents of Paisley. My breakthrough came when I discovered that my Scottish great-grandparents also lived in Renfrewshire. I felt a weird homecoming as my family tree returned to its roots.
Broadening my network of acquaintances. I continued to be friendly and chatty with everyone I met. I must have invited hundreds of people for coffee, but a much smaller number accepted. Nevertheless, I persist since it’s in my nature.

Year 3 – Settling in, feeling more at home and starting to feel like things are normal again.

Getting some counselling. I’d been running on adrenaline-fueled overdrive ever since I’d decided to emigrate and had begun to affect my health. I got help from a local charity that used volunteer counsellors who were getting their practice hours. The experience was very worthwhile! It helped me gain perspective and slow down.
Applying for a mortgage and hunting for property. Now that I had two years of UK tax returns and a decent credit record, I was able to secure a mortgage-in-principle and start hunting for a property in Paisley.
Enjoying my work without needing to prove myself. I had regained my confidence which had taken a knock after Covid lockdown and moving countries. It’s nice to be able to focus on the work and see the impact emerging.
Striving to cultivate friendships out of acquaintances. This is work-in-progress. Fortunately, I have several good friends who are scattered around the world and we chat regularly and have weekly virtual get-togethers over our Dungeons & Dragons games – a long-standing hobby since 1983.
Fine-tuning my life admin in the UK. I’m still sorting out things like my pensions, investments, life insurance, credit record etc. while cancelling or letting go their equivalents in South Africa. I’ve needed the help of specialised accountants to deal with this bureaucracy.
Starting to let go of South Africa. I have finally managed to avoid checking the news and thinking about the country every day, even though I will never return. It was an old anxious habit.
Settling into enjoying my hobbies. I’m increasingly able to immerse myself in my hobbies which include hiking, natural history, strongman training, attending musical events and my afore-mentioned role playing games.
Starting to buy some nice things. Now that I’m no longer in survival mode, I’ve been able to buy myself some nice things such as good quality jackets and boots. We’ve also been able to enjoy some nice restaurants on special occasions.
Understanding the economic and political dynamics, factions and trends within the UK. I’ve especially become more aware of Scotland’s strategy as well as the limitations of the devolution agreement with the UK government. I’m able to contribute meaningfully to political and economic discussion.
Increasingly experiencing periods where things feel normal. By the end of the third year, I rarely feel like I’m living in a new country. There are many more moments when I feel at home and everything appears normal.

Conclusion

Over the past three years, I have asked many people how long it took before they felt entirely at home in the UK. The typical answer is by the end of the fourth year though answers vary slightly depending on their demographics and type of visa.

Emigrating is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and my journey has been relatively straightforward. The emotional aspects have been the most difficult – letting go of my previous life and building a new home here in Paisley, Scotland.

The news and social media added complexity by highlighting stories of anti-immigration policies and sentiment – something which is always on the back of my mind.

It takes time to integrate into a new country and rebuild a life. Nothing can accelerate this process but some things can slow it down, such as an unwillingness to integrate. You must let go of your old life. Time must pass. Nevertheless, it does help to know where you are in this process and realise that you’re on the right track. I hope this article serves as a reference point for others on this journey.